But at the same time Dude, shes trying to do her job, and youre kind of holding her up. No one wants to be a creeper. Then later on phone jobs I got asked out every once in a while and used the same excuse. Maybe mention a place nearby that you frequent, like the coffe shop you visit before work or your gym or the bar you sometimes have happy hour with coworkers at. You could try asking them out if you happened to run into them outside of work, however, they know who you are so it still makes it awkward if you go back to where they work. A lot of people get off on exploiting the power imbalance between customer and customer service rep. Please dont do this! My goal here is to help you not mess up. ), then drop it, and to me, its no big deal. And thanks for the suggestion for a no-pressure meet-up, thats a super idea! She may feel like she has to accept or decline right there. You never know! A: The best way to gain confidence is to feel confident and know what to say. Express low-key interest in seeing the person outside of work, give your card/number, and make it clear through your words and actions that you can happily take no for an answer. (Of course, maybe he WAS too embarrassed to ever return, but I cant think of why, because politely asking a person out isnt embarrassing), Thanks mel, a friend in retail recommended the note thing; thats how she began dating a customer. Except this is not a conversation about whether its ever OK for a man to approach a woman confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way*; its a conversation about a specific situation, namely making romantic overtures to somebody whose job and paycheck require them to be pleasant to you. That way he can take or leave the indirect invitation and doesnt have to feel uncomfortable. Do not do this in a situation where someone cant leave or cant answer 100% honestly (positive or megative). Example: Did you hear, So-and-so is going to be performing at the (venue) on Thursday? has the world just gotten that much more creepy? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. When I was backpacking through europe as a solo woman traveler back at the age of 22, I never had an issue myself, but I encountered, in youth hostels, several men who had been mugged/robbed/etc., including one guy who had actually gone out drinking with locals and woke up the next morning in the hospital to discover that he had been drugged and all of his documentation and money was gone. If she wants you to ask her out, she'll make clear signals that you won't have to post on the internet for help interpreting. Am I the only one remembering Taylor the Latte Boy and Lisa the Stalker Chick songs? i like it when people ask my name. Cashier Interview Questions and Sample Answers | Indeed.com This is coming from a womans perspective, so take it with a grain of salt. My friend Ilene always talked to the cheese manager at her grocery store. Theres no reason to be too embarrassed to ever return upon rejection unless youre either serenading the guy in a public show, or if you be otherwise dramatic or persistent about it. Toastmasters chapter. Eventually he came to pick up his little sister on a day I happened to be out sick. Asking her 10 times more won't bring a better result. Versus waitstaff who are being grossly hit on by customers know if they go stop talking to me like that, they just cost themselves the tip. Personally I think the heres my number if you would like to talk when you are not at work approach sounds okay, although I totally understand the problem here. Thats the point for the worker, its a business interaction. https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/. good luck you can do it!! This is not okay and very creepy. About 15 years ago I met a girl working at a local convenience store. Seriously, how do you ask out a cute cashier (F) without being "that guy"? As someone who has worked in customer service for a long time, I can tell you that it will make many customer service reps very uncomfortable. You should try it sometime. so if said gentleman wishes to run into you outside of work he would have a pretty good idea of how to do so. I dealt with this just as much in a secretarial position as I did in retail. If she does not react then forget it. Hes always nice and professional, but makes sure that his suitor knows that he has a serious girlfriend. When she did, the man then ran behind her and hit her in the back of the head with a closed fist, seriously injuring her. Or even worse if I read the signs wrong and she rejects me? Clearly your girlfriend didnt know you were doing it. Alright so I used to work retail. I love that show, I wish they would bring it back. Last sentence should read: Id be flattered, even if I was NOT interested. Its awesome. Just try not to come off like a creeper if you do ask, and really try to absorb the advice the other commenters have provided. I have been investigating my ability to search for past posts. This is extra worse when youre a captive audience who cant get away from them at work, and its why a lot of us would recommend not asking at all or proceeding with extreme caution. Ive never worked in retail and dont really have the personality where I would feel comfortable asking somebody out first, but I really like these stories! I did think your point about women being discouraged from asking men out was really interesting. People always think theyll be the exception to this, but.ugh. Ive seen you in here a lot and you seem like the type of person I would like to get to know in real life. It was more of a problem dealing with the guys that worked nearby and shoppers in public areas. I will put a quick disclaimer/bias I am female, and I think women overall have to deal with this more than men, so its probably why its more annoying in my mind. I know you get tips at chipotle, but thats a bonus thats split by everyone in the restaurant, not the source of your income. That was 8 years ago. Does it really matter if the guy is asking her out because hes acutely horny or just anticipates being horny? If done in a non creepy way and they gracefully accepted my no, I would be flattered. @Kidburla From France. Would it really be flattering if you got asked out at work? I can see where youre coming from in general, and I apologize if Im misreading you on this, but I hated to see Aaron take the fall for all men because of word choice. That said, if the OP is a woman interested in a man, her odds of him going psychotic on her are a lot lower than in the reverse, so she might have better luck. Here, you're just leaving a breadcrumb trail. There's this cute girl at a local shop that I visit every day. It also means that you have to go out of your way to make them comfortable if they do say no (no signs of resentment or bitterness or other weirdness), because after all youdid take therisk of asking someone out in their place of work. This is exactly what I was coming here to post. And you might realise hey, I only want this person as a friend. my lying coworker claimed someone said I couldnt eat at my desk, telling recruiters I wont move to states that discriminate, AirTag etiquette, and more. What do you think a cool and respectful way to ask her out is? Cookie Notice If the only conversation youve ever had is the normal chitchat when he rings up your purchases. Be prepared, your number might end up in the bin with a dramatic gesture, putting you on the spot right then and there, you might be labeled a creep and denied access to the store, depending on how much this tends to upset her. (I was visiting my hometown, where he worked, but I lived pretty far away.). At all the boring customer service jobs Ive ever had, my co-workers and I flirted recreationally with customers and each other. You might get the label 'creep' and you might find that your shopping experience will drop dramatically. And this is an obvious double standard but I think its less of a big deal because the manager in question is male. AH this reminds me of when I went out to brunch with a friend and she picked the restaurant and as we were walking up to the door she turned to me and said, Well, I cant promise I wont ask out our waiter before the end of the meal! It turns out she was a regular at this place and had a huge thing for a waiter. Therefore, don't ask her when her shift ends, or to meet in the rapey spot at the back of the parking lot, after her shift, when it's all dark and gloomy. Be sincere and respectful in your approach as this will leave a good impression on them and make them more likely to accept your invitation. Yeah, thats a sitcom episode waiting to happen. At the end of the day, Im with Captain Awkward. But, you know, its such a personal thing, asking someone out. a very attractive girl working at Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. Not most. She will expect you, on next visit, to quiz her about "did you come?" Sadly, some people prey on strangers they consider potentially vulnerable, regardless of gender. If she says "no", just say "no problem, thanks". Well, hes not at all flirtacious and if he were I doubt that Id take him seriously. There's an implicit power imbalance between customer and employee. Arrange to run in to someone as they are leaving, but asking them out in their place of employment is frankly awful. Yes, and if you work in retail and your boss is an arsehole who thinks making a customer unhappy is a fireable offence or just if the one whos asking you out wont stop bugging you at work, etc etc. Browse other questions tagged, Start here for a quick overview of the site, Detailed answers to any questions you might have, Discuss the workings and policies of this site. I know what youre saying about the stalking: Ive been there myself and would never want to put someone in that position. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. There's a reason advances are looked down upon in these situations: it's not about the no/yes, it's about the fact that the likelihood of an honest answer being expected or given in such a situation is low, close to impossible. Or if she can recommend some better-tasting cookies. Show interest and respect, compliment the cashier, and then invite them out. how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? Thanks Aaron, Im the OP and appreciate your male perspective on this! Could be Im old-fashioned, but I think asking somebody out can be different than hitting on somebody. But see how youve mentally filed this under social interactions? And the employee has to assume you might be one of those jerks in choosing how to respond to you if she doesnt want to lose her tip or get a complaint. But this objection, that there is no other way to meet people besides asking them out when they are WORKING, is pretty silly. Its how our brains are wired up. So if you arrive and dump your emotional train wreck on her, like drop to your knees, pull out the guitar and go full-on Romeo on her, she'll have to stay put and silently cringe -- "G'aaah not again!" Test more. However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no time. LOL did you really think one person could eat that much corn?. I dated someone for 5 years he was a customer who asked me out. And the people who are psychic: youre misunderstanding their friendly customer service smile as interest. I mean the problem is that it happens way more often than you think. Im not going to say to absolutely not do it, but I recommend asking him out somewhere other than his job if you see him elsewhere. To make things fun between both of you, suggest interesting date spots or events that neither of you may have experienced before such as an outdoor picnic or exploring an undiscovered corner of your city! And a lot of the general public gets that mixed up with actual proper social interactions, where both parties can leave the conversation any time they want. Correct If youre a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. How to flirt with a cashier - GirlsAskGuys She said yes, and since it was 5PM we shared a glance of understanding for a few seconds. The waitress could have said oh, hes off the market or he gets number all the time and is sick of it or something like that so it would avoid the embarrassing interaction if there wasnt a chance for a positive outcome. So no matter how nice you think you are, you could reasonably make a flirtee feel uncomfortable and trapped into responding to you. Is there any acceptable way to ask retail staff for a date? I can find out though and that might make things a little less fraught, dynamics-wise, if he is. concert). I dont want to be reminded on a regular basis that people are thinking of me in a sexual way while Im working. But he wasnt asking her out. IMO, it is always 100% creepy to ask out a server/service employee waiting on you, period. and after a few encounters we started really talking if there was no other customers around. One dude at the bank I worked at in college asked me out over the intercom in the drivethru tellers lane and then got angry because I smiled and wished him a nice day whenever he came by. I agree that the group thing could be a good, low-pressure way to go. Because at least some of us have gotten really, really scary reactions from men when we turned them down. Or include a 'Text me/Call me' in the note, and don't say anything at all (this might be more innocuous and have the same effect, since all the flirting up till now has been unspoken, you might want to carry that on). That's what "creepy" means. I came of age during a time where it was new and shocking for women to take planes, trains and automobiles on their own. Working retail, this happens so, so frequently that it stops being flattering and becomes another work annoyance that you have to deal with, plus the unease of not knowing how someone is going to react if you reject them. I find the other answers very unusual, which illustrates there must be some kind of cultural difference at play. Where I grew up (the UK) it is com The ball is in her field as of now and she'll be the one to decide if she wants to play. About a decade ago, I worked in a store that had mostly male customers. But I didnt love YOU. Much better, now we've avoided putting her on the spot, we've just slipped her a little bit of intelligence, with no request whatsoever for her to act. There's a lot of bickering over culture here: I'm from the Netherlands, female, currently 26 years old. I got asked for my phone number all of the time. But many parties are crowded and noisy and everyone is running about mingling. My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. I am an adult who has a crush on someone (also an adult) who works in retail. Try to engage her when you see her, but just minimally. There is a certain subset of people who enjoy exerting their power over people in customer service positions, and a fair number of men in that subset will flirt with women in customer service as a means of exerting that power. - This is a **positive community**. I really enjoy talking to you here and Ive thought it might be nice to do it outside of work sometime. I usually just tried to be extra nice and funny about it without bringing in the orientation thing, then went on with the rest of my day. Fair chance you'll get a "Oh, I'll put it up for you" or "We don't have one, but I'll put it in the staff break room". And it was always a minefield to navigate. By doing this, you will actually get more insight regarding whether she likes you or she is just being polite. And each creep is going to make contact with every victim that he possibly can, perhaps more than once. I dont think its fair to ask people to voluntarily take on that risk at work when theres another approach that will neatly avoid that issue. But STILL. Whilst approaching someone with the intention of asking them out, it is important not only to show interest but also respect for their feelings and situation. after coffee. My band is playing at the Speakeasy Thursday night, we're so excited.". I don't like asking people out at their workplace, it's her job to be there, I don't want to make it awkward. If she does just ask her if she'd ever consider having coffee with you. There are probably a lot of gender dynamics at play too (Im a female, I asked out a male) if the roles were reversed it may feel more awkward. After they reject you, accept their rejection graciously. And a friend of Ilenes another pediatrician really liked the farmer who sold his sweet corn at the farmers market. Try to see when she gets out. But you know what? Its probably also one of those things where its socially more acceptable for a lady to do it than a gentleman. Generally, try not talking to women with the mentality oh my god I have to ask her out at some point. Her having to worry about that violates the principle of empowered. ( However, I wouldnt give too much info about the places you frequent, just because you dont know him that well. Just FYI: I've had male cashiers say things like "Nice to see you again", and it doesn't mean they want to go out with me, ok? when Im meeting someone new. You really have to go with your gut, I think. An example could be, Hey so this is going to be super weird. This will help reduce any anxiety and make it easier for you to get the words out when the time comes. I'm from the midwest and women in service definitely say those words, but it is more commonly heard from older women to younger men I'm gonna go touch some grass, you should too S SargeMaximus Don't drop compliments and hit on her, asking how her day is doing is all you should do. If you do this one or two times, you should get an idea of how she reacts. That fact can confuse the romantic, so special handling is required. Youve got the people who say Please no! The Im having a party, stop by if youd like does seem like a good possible compromiseI think its because thats phrasing the request in such a way that the burden isnt on the employee to say no. My friend once slipped her number to a butcher at a supermarket and they ended up married. As the others have pointed out, you have got a bit of a captive audience and that needs to be respected. ? pile. This is an advice about how to do it, now keep it mind that people mostly tell you not to do it. It sounds to me like OP is being very conscientious about the situation. A: Be direct and sincere when asking the cashier out. A perfectly well-kempt, apparently reasonable, gainfully employed and up-till-this-point-calm-and-polite man can and will suddenly turn into an epithet-hurling, personal-space-invading, boundary-crossing scary jerk when the words thanks, but no are uttered. Meaning; talking to her each time you go shopping, exchanging some humor and eventually get to know her name. tru dat mirth!!.. By clicking Accept all cookies, you agree Stack Exchange can store cookies on your device and disclose information in accordance with our Cookie Policy. So, I'd strongly advise against even doing it this way. Resin is a vital resource for Conan Exiles players wanting to expand their base and create unlocks. Agreed. Asking someone out should never sound like a mere business transaction; this could put off anyone from accepting your invitation! But I think there are easier first dates. I always hope she'll be stocking shelves or something (so she would be a little more approachable) when I see her but she's either cashier or in back. I realized Im just one data point, but I am actually friends with many people who Ive met through work. If you like cheese fries maybe you should stop by, Oh, I didnt even think about the maybe you should stop by, and thats great. You should check it out sometime!". Webit takes some time and money to do this.. first come in the shop often (you probably had that part so you can skip that if you like) so she will notice you but yeah.. if she isn't looking at you because she has costumers to help, you still need to get her attention in some way.. you could humiliate yourself by tossing things on the floor or use a interviewing with a service dog in my lap, boss thinks Im a stonerbecauseI called out on 4/20, and more, I desperately need breaks between my back-to-back meetings, I manage a gay employee and our company is homophobic, a coworker told me I talk too much, Im still ruminating over a job I didnt take, and more, should I invite my team to my home for dinner, will my company expect me to work with my ex, and more, after I hired someone, a mutual friend told me Id made a huge mistake. Conversation will help break the ice and show your interest. Special issue: when one is working, one has to do ones job or get fired. Additionally, try bringing up topics that have nothing do with romance; discussing something lighthearted may make things less intense and create a more relaxed atmosphere between both of you which could ultimately lead towards a positive outcome! Hmm Im on the fence here. And youre right. (And even then it might simply have been bad timing: he got in a car accident, etc)(or, sadly, he may already have a GF). Google Schrodingers rapist if you want the full scoop. If "no" seems like it would damage, hurt or invalidate you, get to healthcare and work that out. My hope for the human race has just fallen by another notch. I've never asked out someone I've had no prior knowledge of and think it would be fun. ", Although, if i were you, i would have used that line (but that's me). Hi. That's not inappropriate at all and could happen in a nice way without putting her in an uncomfortable position. Should be a great (event, e.g. What the worst that could happen from politely and not creepily seeing what happens next from this real world connection? The customer may never know if the employee wasnt interested or just couldnt make it, which can be tough, but it also means the customer cant take it personally. I got the message. Make sure to be clear about your intentions and always make sure that the cashier is comfortable with what you are asking. She was very nice, but I didnt get the vibe she was interested in him as well she seemed to just be doing her job as being accommodating.
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